Bootleg
by Blade of Justice
Summary: Deciding to fight fire with fire, Arfoire comes up with her greatest plan yet: Create a goddess to fight the other goddesses. Unfortunately for her, our new "mommy" finds herself with far more problems after succeeding in her plan than she had had before she'd even bothered in the first place.
1. It's a girl!

This was it. There was no going back now.

Today was the birth of a new era — and the end of an old one. The end of _Neptune's_ era, that is.

Today was the day that Arfoire had been working towards for the past few months — maybe it had even turned into years.

Whatever it was, it didn't matter. All that mattered was that everything had gone perfectly.

Arfoire had finally done it. The underground chamber she currently resided in filled with her laughter as she surveyed her preparations. She had really done it this time. She had put together something that Gamindustri wouldn't be able to stop, no matter what those pesky goddesses tried to do in response. She knew that she would be able to put a stop to them now that she was going to have _this_ on her side. Her newest, and perhaps greatest, trump card. In just a few short moments, she would be able to welcome it into the world and begin her quest for conquest in earnest.

You see, Gamindustri wasn't wholly controlled by the four great nations of Planeptune, Lastation, Lowee, and Leanbox. There were other areas. Fledgling nations, lands that were barren and aligned to no one, lands with populations but no goddesses of their own, that sort of thing. It was natural for a whole world with only four nations to have some vacancies in the land, was it not?

So Arfoire had taken advantage of it. While the CPUs weren't looking, having scantily clad pillow fights or frolicking in some flower gardens in their underwear or whatever it is those rotten brats did in their free time when they weren't flirting in public but acting like they were really fighting each other (Arfoire saw through it all!), Arfoire got to work. She found an island, untouched by the four great nations but still having a sizable population — enough for now anyway — and began spreading her influence. She began spreading word of a goddess, sent from the heavens and all that nonsensical business, who was going to bring the joys of video games to their island home very, very soon.

Little did they know the truth of the matter — nor would that truth even particularly matter once Arfoire's plan was in full swing.

Now this island's populace all believed. They believed their goddess was coming for them. They believed with all their heart. With that belief, the most important ingredient for the recipe had been given to Arfoire. It had been dropped right into her lap in fact.

And now, with everything she needed, as Arfoire stood in front of what could only be described as an operating table, alone in a secret underground chamber in the dark, dank Basilicom she had had them build, she was going to give them their goddess. All she had to do now...

"INSTALL!"

... was summon the goddess down from the heavens and complete her birth!

The chamber was filled with blindingly bright light. Arfoire was forced to cover her eyes with her arm. She knew in that moment that this had been a success. She didn't even need to look back at the table to know she had completed her objective... but it wouldn't do her any good not to inspect the fruits of her labor, now would it? So she turned.

Laying on the table was a young woman — a girl, even. Her eyes were closed. She looked like she could be asleep, but she was definitely alive. Arfoire watched for a moment, in awe — in awe of her own personal _greatness_ at having actually pulled this insane stunt off — of the fact that the person's chest was moving up and down. They were breathing. They were _alive_. There was, without any doubt, an honest to goodness person — an honest to goodness _goddess_ — lying on the table, having just been born. Having just been _created_.

"I did it..." Arfoire grinned to herself. A laugh, vile and full of contempt for her enemies, escaped her lips. "Ha... Hahahaha...! Hahahahahahaha! Take that, Neptune! I can't believe I didn't think of this sooner! If you morons are running around with your 'legitimate' consoles, then I'll just throw a bootleg one at you! Hahaha! You brats won't know what hit you once she's done with you!"

Little did Arfoire know now that that was going to be much sooner applying to her than it would those so-called enemies of hers.

At the sound of Arfoire's voice, the young woman's two eyes opened slowly. She blinked a few times, as if testing out the waters — those waters being her very body itself. Arfoire noted with an annoyed click of her tongue that the girl's eyes didn't match — one was green with a large iris, the cute, googly kind that people went gaga over, like the CPUs had, but the other was a sickly sort of yellow and bloodshot for some reason, with a smaller iris and larger pupil. At least it meant the girl's eyes were the roughly same size, but... Arfoire had heard that heterochromia was an attractive, grabbing feature, but it just looked _wrong_ on this girl. Too late to do anything about it now, she supposed.

"At least her face is cute enough." Arfoire nodded approvingly at those features of the newborn goddess, looking the girl up and down as if she were analyzing a child's art project rather than a living being. Her hair was nothing special, a purple dark enough it could probably be confused for black depending on the lighting — plain and not at all as outstanding as Arfoire would have liked — but still better that than neon with sparkles and multiple streaks of other colors going through it or something idiotic like that. Her skin, on the other hand... While her complexion seemed to somehow be _worse_ than Arfoire's, at least she was young looking. They could fix that pale, nasty, deathly green skin with makeup or cheat codes. Youth was another matter, but this chick had it, and that was enough. That'd get them enough followers to get her plans running smoothly.

Arfoire's gaze traveled lower. The girl was dressed in a simple hospital gown that Arfoire had left on the table, assuming "the heavens" would get the idea, but she knew that the new "CPU" would need some dazzling, eye-catchingly iconic outfit that would make people near and far know who she was just from a look — and that anyone dressing similarly was _obviously_ ripping her off.

In other words, something that looked like all the other CPUs' clothes. That way, if those snots ever tried to show up and claim otherwise, whatever saps were falling for this would just see them for impostors of the _real_ goddess.

That was when, as she continued looking lower, Arfoire noticed something else.

"Oh... Oh... Oh _damn_ it! They're not even the same size!" Swearing after she peeked underneath the gown to make sure, Arfoire kicked an innocent bucket that had been minding its own business nearby the table over, sending it flying across the room. It crashed into some machinery, causing a small explosion, but at this point Arfoire didn't give a damn. Bust size was the kind of thing CPUs' followers fought to the death over! She'd seen it in Lowee and Leanbox! How the hell could she explain this...?! "It's probably not noticeable when she's standing up, but... This can't be right! Is it because the idiots on this island didn't have the same idea for what they wanted her to look like that she wound up like this...?"

It was at this point that the girl finally focused her mismatched eyes on Arfoire. Prior to this point, she had simply been lying there as she was inspected — now she was actually showing signs of sentience. Arfoire wasn't sure if that was good, considering how this was starting to turn out... And she felt something roll over in her stomach just being looked at by them — now she'd have to get this failure of a science project an eye patch on top of everything else too, wouldn't she?

"Mo... Mommy? Are you... My mother...?"

The woman froze.

_Mommy_?

Did this kid just...

Oh no.

Oh no no no no **_no_**.

She was _not_ about to go through something like _that_. She'd sooner kill this fake CPU before she let it call her mommy and get her to change its diaper.

The girl on the operating table took this action as a sign of acknowledgement. A sign that Arfoire was indeed her mother. For all intents and purposes, this was, technically, the truth. Arfoire was without a doubt the "mother" of this CPU.

"Mommy...! You _are_ my mommy! Hold on, let me get down from here..." And so, before, Arfoire could tell her to stop so she could finish inspecting her, this bootleg little girl, this fake CPU, this godless goddess swung her legs over the side of the operating table and dropped onto the floor, looking up at Arfoire with wide, adoring eyes. Some might have found it cute, even with the blatant mismatch, but Arfoire? She could already feel the incoming headache this was going to be.

"I didn't tell you to get down from there. Know your place." It didn't do much good saying it now, but Arfoire figured it'd be good to establish some kind of power balance between them. This kid may be destined to act as this new nation's goddess, but she had to know who the boss was around here — and it wasn't her. The woman gave her "child" a stern look, to which the girl responded with a look of shame, which she quickly directed guiltily towards the floor. "Oh good. You're catching on."

Arfoire could approve of that much, even if she had some freak aspects in her design that she hadn't counted on. She supposed that was what she got... Oh well. Maybe that would go away once she transformed. She could always do a little experimenting if it became a problem. The people had never seen a goddess before — they were probably so stupidly taken with just the idea, they'd accept a rotting slab of meat as their lord and savior if Arfoire told them it was goddessly enough. Yeah, this could definitely still work out.

First, she just had to get her dogoos in a row.

"Okay, brat, chin up. Tell me what your name is." Arfoire had figured since this girl's "creation" would largely involved generating something based on faith in something that didn't exist, the name she would have would likely be influenced by the people she had come to serve. Good thing Arfoire had spent months trolling the island influencing them, making sure that this goddess would turn out _exactly_ as she wanted. "If you don't have one, we can figure something out."

The girl looked up, tilting her head curiously. Her hair, thanks to the headtilt, Arfoire now noticed in annoyance was going to need to be cut or styled or _something_ because it was just a wreck as it was now. The baby CPU was silent for a few moments, as if she was mulling over the question that had been presented to her. Arfoire didn't appreciate that. It wasn't that hard.

"Well?"

"You see, mommy... I _do _have a name, but I'd much rather have a name that _you_ gave me..." After making this remark, the girl smiled at her mother happily. She beamed, eager to show her mother just how much she loved her. She would do anything her mother asked her, even eat something disgusting like pudding, if it made her happy!

Arfoire just winced.

Braces, she told herself.

This kid would need braces.

There was going to be a CPU — a _goddess_ — running around with _braces _of all things.

What else could go possibly wrong?

"I don't care what your name is, so I'm not going to name you. What I _do_ care about..." Arfoire let the words hang, just so she could see just how much the girl cared about what Arfoire cared about. From her reaction... quite a bit. She could work with this, she supposed. Dropping her smirk, Arfoire's voice became far more harsh as she continued. It was time for some discipline. "... is that you listen to me. And hear you are avoiding giving me what I wanted, right out of the door. How _disappointing_. I still don't hear an answer to my question."

Initially, the girl look horrified at the change in Arfoire's demeanor — like the realization that she had _disobeyed_ her _mommy_ was enough to get her to do anything Arfoire wanted to make up for such a horrible mistake. Upon realizing that all she needed to do was simply tell her "mommy" her _name_, she immediately brightened — her mismatched eyes lighting up like a Pongsmas tree decorated by three blind Pirachu.

"Whatever you want, mommy!" Straightening herself, the girl grabbed for the sides of her gown — definitely needed to get her something more appropriate to wear, or they'd be known for something _very_ different, Arfoire noted to herself — and did a curtsy, still smiling all too much for Arfoire's liking. "My name is Blaneptunoirert."

The pale skinned woman that was the girl's... no... _Blaneptunoirert_'s "mother" could only stare, dumbstruck.

"I take it back. That's not staying. I'd sooner kill you myself." Arfoire didn't appreciate that the girl didn't seem too opposed to the idea of death if it was Arfoire giving it. That, or she didn't know what death _was_, since she seemed to be completely unphased by the comment Arfoire had made in regards to her life. Still, what kind of name should she give the damn kid now? She had been counting on her having one — but because she'd been hoping for "a goddess better than all the CPUs and Candidates combined," what she'd ended up with was a goddess with a mishmash of all of their names. Just great. "You're... uh... Shit."

"I... I'm... I'm Shit? Is that my name, Mommy...?" Oh. She'd been listening. Were they really going to be playing this kind of game? The woman sincerely hoped _not_. Readying a response, Arfoire scowled, prepared to yell at the girl for being stupid, when she realized the girl was looking... strangely uncomfortable, staring at the ground and shifting awkwardly. "I... If you're into _that_ sort of thing, I... I don't mind... I-If it makes you happy... Whatever you want, I... I want too...! I'll go get a cup for us right now if you want, mommy!"

Arfoire's words died before they could leave her lips. If it was possible, her already pale skin grew five shades paler as an uncomfortable feeling settled somewhere in her stomach and proceeded to laugh at her for screwing things up so badly.

She could not deal with a kid that called her mommy and acted like a little puppy but _also _seemed to know far too much about certain things that she had no place knowing about. There was probably some sick freaks on this island that Arfoire should have gotten rid of before she had done this, she realized regretfully, but what was done was done — it would take too much time to find another decently populated area that had never had contact from the other nations and start this process all over again.

She was stuck with this... _this_.

"_No_, you are not going to be named Shit. Don't even... Just... Don't. Or I'll rip your head off." Leaving that subject with that warning, Arfoire's shoulders slumped. This was more of a headache than she had planned already, and she _still_ didn't have a damn name for the brat yet! "Okay, got it. You're Viola."

It wasn't original. Her train of thought was no more complicated or interesting than the following:

A: She is going to be better than Neptune even if it killed her making her that way.

B: Neptune is purple.

C: Purple is like violet.

D: Violet... Violet... _Violet_...?

E: ? ? ?

F: _Violence_, maybe...?

G: ? ? ? ? ? ? ?

H: _Viola_!

... but, lack of creativity aside, it had still ended up with Arfoire having given the newborn goddess a name, at long last, so that was something, right? Sure, it was a trashy name for a bootlegged CPU that looked like she was bound to fail, but that was what Arfoire was here for. To make sure that she _didn't_ fail — that _Arfoire_ didn't fail — and to make sure that-

"Oh, mommy, I love it! I'll cherish my name forever and ever and ever, until we die in each others arms! I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you _I love you_!"

What followed was something that Arfoire should have seen coming. With how overly and _disgustingly_ affectionate this creature had been thus far, it should have been painfully obvious how being given a name would make her feel. She leaned over and wrapped her arms around Arfoire, giving her a tight hug and nuzzling her with her face. Arfoire, being Arfoire, hadn't seen it coming. She tugged away, crying out in frustration and annoyance as she pushed her creation — her "daughter," as it were — hard, pushing her back towards the pseudo-operating table.

She didn't want _this_! She wanted an obedient servant! She wanted a pawn! She didn't want a _child_! Why had this gone so... so...

Her thoughts faded away.

For what followed _next_ was something that shouldn't have happened.

Arfoire had just expected the girl to get shoved. She had just wanted to stop this disgusting show of affection in its tracks. Maybe the girl would cry. Maybe she'd turn out to be a masochist on top of everything else. Nothing would have surprised her at this point.

As it turns out, there was one thing that still could have.

Because she had never, in her wildest dreams, expected the horrible reality of what actually followed her simple push of the newborn "CPU."

"Oh... Oh no! Mommy? I think... Yes, my arms definitely came off." The girl, apparently not even in pain despite the fact that her _arms were no longer attached to her body and still hugging Arfoire_, turned to the woman and offered her what could only be described as the worst attempt at puppy dog eyes in the history of eyes, complete with a smile so affectionate that it made Arfoire want to throw up. Well, even more than the whole _dismembered limbs hugging her_ thing already did. "M-Mommy... May I... That is, um... Could I have my arms back if you don't want them for anything? Please? I can't embrace you with all of my love for you without them... Oh, but if you want to keep them for personal reasons, I-I wouldn't mind..."

That was it.

That was the last straw — no, the last straw had been thrown out some time ago.

They were well past the last straw at this point.

This was beyond a failure.

This was an insult to failed experiments and attempts at overthrowing CPUs everywhere.

This was simply a disaster.

Falling to her knees, Arfoire held her head in her hands and screamed.

She never wanted to see another CPU, fake or manufactured or real or _whatever_, for as long as she lived!

"Oh... I didn't know you could _sing_!"

Was she tone deaf too!?


	2. Lumpy Humpy

It had taken a few minutes for Arfoire to regain her composure. She had seen worse than this. Surely, this was nothing. Surely, she would be able to handle something as simple as a broken CPU. She could just dump it in the sea and start over, right? It would probably thank her for it!

Yet she didn't have the heart to do it. It'd be like killing a baby dogoo. Those are the things you leave on their own until some moron who needs its item drop comes along and kills it.

Maybe she could get Neptune to kill her?

Neptune would probably kill her. Or befriend her. Either way, it wouldn't be Arfoire's problem anymore if Neptune took care of her.

With that morbid thought in mind, Arfoire decided she was back in business...

Unfortunately, it was at that exact moment that Viola had promptly waltzed over and reattached her arms by shoving the ends of them together. It had been a morbidly fascinating thing to watch, and Arfoire was amazed that this bootleg goddess didn't feel any pain. She was _almost_ impressed, even going as far as to reconsider the plans she had just been considering... only to ditch that thought entirely when Viola discovered that while she _had_ reattached her arms, she had put her them back on the wrong sides — meaning her left arm was connected to her right shoulder and her right arm was connected to her left shoulder.

"Mommy, look...! I can scratch my own back!" On the "bright" side, even this didn't seem to bother the freshly created CPU. She simply twirled around to show Arfoire how she could scratch herself without any issue, like it was an amazing skill that would be invaluable in their plans. She laughed gleefully, proud she could show off to her mommy, and Arfoire chose not to comment — not because she wanted to encourage this behavior, but because she seriously feared what sort of horrors would pop up in its place if she questioned it.

Watching this pathetic display, Arfoire chose to sigh bitterly. At least she could glad the stupid things weren't still attached to _her _in that disgusting zombie hug.

It _would_ have been an amazing skill, Arfoire admitted begrudgingly, if the limbs hadn't fallen off with the slightest abuse in the first place. How in Gamindustri was this girl supposed to fight? Even if she blocked her opponents, Arfoire wouldn't be surprised if her hands fell off from the force her enemies would probably use on her!

But the girl didn't even care — perhaps she was just oblivious to what Arfoire had wanted for her. She stood there, smiling like she had done something truly impressive, and Arfoire knew she couldn't take it anymore.

"That's it, we're fixing this before you make that a hobby." Without giving Viola any more warning than that, Arfoire reached over to make a grab for both of the girl's arms and yanked. She didn't yank hard, but she wasn't nice about it either — it was an experiment. One arm light, one arm hard. Arfoire fully expected them both to come off exactly as they had before... "You're kidding me!"

Instead, in one hand, she simply held her daughter's hand, whereas in the other, she had ripped off the arm from the shoulder down.

It was a damn good thing she didn't bleed or apparently even have guts or anything or this scene might have been horrifying to picture for any that might conveniently stumble onto this moment or might somehow be watching from somewhere.

Groaning, Arfoire shook her head, before she leaned over and got to work. First she needed to fix the shoulder she'd screwed up, then rearrange the upper arms to where they went... After that was the hand... Was that all? It better be. She was already starting to forget, this had become so ridiculously convoluted. Bodies were _not_ supposed to work like this! She had half a mind to just leave this girl like this and leave here! But...

Damn everything.

She couldn't very well just leave her like this. Not if she wanted to at least accomplish _something_ anyway...

Right now, she just wanted to accomplish the task of this nation's goddess not making her first appearance with her hand growing out of her shoulder. That sure would be a start, now wouldn't it?

"Wow...! It's like I'm a puzzle and mommy wants to put me back together again!"

"Shut up right now or I'll pluck your teeth out put your fingernails there instead. Heh, I bet I could do it too, with your screwed up body... And stop moving!"

"Yes mommy."


	3. Naming Conventions

It had taken some time, but now that Lumpy Humpy was put back together again (all Neptune's horses and all her women didn't have _anything_ on Arfoire, she told herself smugly), Arfoire felt safe relaxing a little. It wasn't like anything else could possibly go wrong, could it?

She knew as soon as she thought it that she'd likely just forever sealed her fate. Maybe _her_ arm would fall off next. Making a face, the woman ran a hand through her short hair and made a strained noise, gritting her teeth. She had decided she would keep the girl, but right now she just wanted to remember a time when there had still been hope — hope for a perfect CPU that obeyed her every whim, was as bent on conquering the world (for Arfoire) as she was, and...

"Mommy? Why are you making that face?" Viola appeared before Arfoire, who had been trying to forget about her existence, looking concerned. Arfoire supposed it was natural — the girl _had_ decided Arfoire was her mother and Arfoire wasn't... _really_ denying it anymore, primarily because she didn't want to see what else could go wrong if she did, but also because it seemed to be working as far as getting the baby goddess to listen to her. She could... begrudgingly... live with sappy garbage like this if it got the job done. "Do you have to go to the bathroom?"

_If the job was even possible anymore._

"_No_, Viola, but you'll..." Arfoire quickly stopped herself. She had been about to sarcastically tell her daughter that she would be the first to know when Arfoire needed to do that — something that would surely annoy and gross out most — before she stopped herself, having slowly started to learn to know better. That would have ended badly faster than just shoving her towards Neptune and the others and telling her "good luck!" would have. "Ugh. Forget it. Forget everything."

As if on cue, Viola reacted to Arfoire's newest change in demeanor with concern and nearly bursting into tears. Another person might have been touched by such a reaction, but Arfoire could only grit her teeth.

"But... I don't want to forget you, mommy..." Arfoire would have strangled her if she wasn't sure Viola's head wouldn't have just popped right off if she tried. The girl's other limbs seemed fine, but even Arfoire wasn't comfortable testing the girl's body that far... yet.

"Forge- Never mind! Never mind, damn it! Go play with something!" Shaking her head, Arfoire glared at the ceiling. Even if this had gone perfectly, there was a ton she had had to do — before she could even start on doing any of it now, though, she first would have to get this defective CPU up to speed on just about everything. Then there was her appearance to get in order, testing out what kind of powers she had — and figuring out how to hide them, because at this point Arfoire was sure every last one of them would be useless — and of course making sure she even knew how to _fly_...

She paused in her thoughts.

Viola... _could_ transform, couldn't she?

Arfoire's eyes widened as the possibility dawned on her.

What if Viola was so defective that she couldn't even do that much...!? Even if Arfoire _had_ decided to keep her around, it wouldn't mean a thing if it turned out that she didn't even work as a CPU! Did Arfoire have to blow somewhere? Shake her a little? Hit the back of her head like a TV screen, maybe...?!

No... Maybe she was just jumping the gun?

She looked at the girl that was supposed to be a CPU. Having decided Arfoire was no longer upset with her, she had obediently followed Arfoire's instructions and found something to play with that had been lying on the ground — a spare pair of Arfoire's shoes. The woman had been resting a lot down here as she had brought her plan into its final stages, so it made sense a lot of her spare clothes were lying around, shoes included. She didn't care what the brat saw so she hadn't cleaned up — she'd originally had half a mind to order her to clean up the place before Viola had turned out, well... like the kind of girl that gets amusement from _shoes_.

Arfoire couldn't help but roll her eyes at how happy the girl seemed with the things, yet this nasty amusement she found at the newborn goddess' expense was strangely... calming somehow. That was her idea of a toy? Really? Ha! Don't make her laugh.

"Playtime's over. Get over here." Arfoire wasn't sure what was sadder. How much Viola had seemed to be enjoying the shoes (she really hoped that didn't speak to the quality of this nation's future consoles) or how disappointed she seemed to look now that Arfoire was calling her over. "I mean it. Kid... _Viola._ We need to talk about some thing_s._"

Nodding dutifully, after giving the shoes a forlorn look as she set them down on the ground, Viola trotted over to Arfoire, standing in front of her like a dog that had been told to sit by its master. At least obedience wasn't looking like it was going to be a problem with the girl. Arfoire really would have killed her right here if she'd had an attitude like Neptune's on top of all the other things going wrong with her.

Just _imagining_ what that would be like... Though on the other hand, being able to rip off Neptune's head whenever she wanted _did_ have its own appeal to Arfoire...

"Mommy? I'm here." Her fantasies were interrupted by the cold, hard truth of reality — the reality that was this girl smiling up at her like her whole world revolved around Arfoire. It was exactly what Arfoire had wanted the CPU to feel, but at the same time, it was just so d_isgusting_. "What did you want to talk to me about...? I can tell you everything but my three sizes!"

Probably because she couldn't tell what they were herself, Arfoire noted dully to herself. They'd have to do something about that.

"Here we go, pop quiz time, Viola. This is your normal form, right? Your 'human' one. What about when you transform? You know... When you turn into your goddess form?" She bit her lip, hesitating. What if... What if this broken down bootleg piece of junk goddess didn't even _know_ she was a goddess in the first place? Sure, Arfoire had made her, but she had land and people who believed in her, so what more did she need? She was here existing, wasn't she? "Don't tell me you don't know you're a goddess. You know that damn much, don't you?"

Whether she did or didn't know, Arfoire couldn't say based on Viola's response. For the bootleg CPU beamed up at Arfoire, and said...

"Nuh uh. Mommy is my goddess."

Despite the wrong answer, despite the teeth in dire need of Dental Heart's help, Arfoire couldn't help but smirk at the one she'd gotten instead, almost... _feeling_ something for this defective monstrosity. Almost. Even if this mishmash of a kid ended up being completely and utterly useless to her, Arfoire might — _might_ — just decide to keep her around for the occasional ego boost. Not for any other reasons. The stress alone of conversing with her would probably do Arfoire in long before Neptune ever would.

"Right, yeah, I'm my goddess too. I think you know what I really mean. What I _really_ mean — so no more playing nice or sucking up, got it? Tell me you know what a CPU is." Arfoire was prepared for the worst. Whether it was something blatant, like Copy Processing Unit, or something completely asinine, like Chunky Pasta Upchucker, she was prepared. Still... She'd better give the kid some incentive not to be complementary or anything like she had a minute ago. "If you lie to me, I'm gonna take one of your arms away and throw it in the ocean."

"Oh... Sucking up mommy...? I was...?" The girl was looking wide-eyed at Arfoire like she had just been introduced to some sort of mystical treat that she had been waiting all her life for. Seeing this, Arfoire crossed her arms and growled, which was enough to snap the girl out of her strange, mother-complex-like trance. "S-Sorry mommy! I do know the answer, really!"

Great. Here it comes.

Captain of the Pancake Underlings?

Chomper of Pink Underwear?

Really, Arfoire wasn't going to let herself be surprised again. This brat had taken her off guard too many times now for that to ever be possible again.

"Since you asked, mommy, then... I am the Console Patron Unit of this island — its goddess. B-But you're still the goddess' goddess!" To Arfoire's great surprise, setting aside that classifier at the end there, Viola was actually acting goddess-like. For a brief moment, she felt hope. Maybe her plan wasn't looking as impossible as she had thought. Maybe she could still get this bootleg console and CPU business running, and maybe, if Viola kept this up, she could still... "I am Prupel Taerh, the CPU of Sunsmudge."

... and then Viola had gone and ruined it with those names.

A pin could have dropped and it would have made a clatter in that moment. Viola, standing there and doing her best to look noble and profound, and Arfoire, looking like she had been slapped by a fish, a fish that was fresh from being plucked from the ocean and wielded by an eggplant soldier riding a horsebird.

She wasn't sure which was worse. The name that was obviously similar to Purple Heart's but not nearly as noble sounding, perhaps spawned from Arfoire's own distaste for Neptune combined with everything else wrong with this child-like creature that this land was soon to know as its goddess, or that idiotic name for the island that Arfoire had never even heard before despite having lived here, plotting and planning and preparing, for months now.

"Let's start with... the first thing. Your name there. How do you even _pronounce_ that second part?" Arfoire was doing her best not to tell the girl to call herself Shit again — and mean it this time — but one time had been all she had needed to know not to. She _really_ wanted to, though. "Isn't Heart normal for CPUs? If you want to be darker and edgier about it, I'm fine with something like Purple Heartless or Purple Hater if you have to use the same letters. Heh, Purple Hater... Yeah, I-"

Looking once more like she was delivering far worse news than she actually was, Viola shook her head slowly.

"I can't not be Prupel. Oh, b-but I can be your Heart if you want me to be! That's the best I can do...!" The girl clapped her hands together of her chest, looking up at Arfoire like she would cry and offer her body parts as an apology if that wasn't good enough... and, after a closer look, that she was _very_ clearly much, much too happy about the idea that Arfoire might accept the proposal that Viola could be her "Heart." As if Arfoire needed that to deal with too!

She sighed. She wanted to pull her hair out. She wondered if, if she pulled Viola's hair out, she could put it back in. That would make the haircut easier... Oh, damn, whatever. Arfoire really didn't want to argue about it. She really, _really_ didn't want to argue about it. She could just say "Prupel" was foreign for "so exotically sexy if you're not attracted to her you have something wrong with you" or something like that. Yeah, she could probably pull that off, couldn't she?

"Fine. You're Prupel Heart. Deal?" Arfoire put her hands on her hips and waited for any sign of an affirmative from the goddess. Upon getting a nod, Arfoire gave a curt one in return. At least that was one thing dealt with and out of the way — for now, anyway. "Next thing. That name you picked for the island... _Sunsmudge_? Don't you mean Sun_shine_? What the hell is a Sunsmudge?"

"No, mommy, I mean Sunsmudge." Surprisingly, Viola seemed stuck on this name. It was peculiar — she had no problem giving up her own name for whatever Arfoire was going to give her, even _Shit_, but she was putting up a fight over the name of an island that Arfoire didn't even care about... She supposed there really _was_ some CPU in there after all, if perhaps an incredibly misguided and hopelessly innocent one.

It didn't matter what was going on in Viola's head, in any case. Arfoire didn't like the name and Viola wasn't giving her any reason to.

"Sunshine sounds better. Perfect for luring in hopeless idiots, which I'm going to tell you about later by the way, to get them to worship you." As if to accentuate this point, Arfoire leaned down and jabbed Viola in the chest — gently, just in case she made something fall off again. "Got it? That's the idea here. You do get that, don't you?"

"I know... If mommy asks, I'll do whatever she wants. I'll even take a shower with my clothes on while she watches! That's why this name makes so much sense!" The woman quirked a brow listening to the excuse Viola was presenting to her — purposely pretending she hadn't heard that part about the shower. Seriously? She was expecting Arfoire to buy such obvious baloney? How exactly did an ass backwards name like Sunsmudge do them any favors? The only people it would attract would be window cleaners, and only ones that were into some really screwed up stuff at that, considering who their goddess was to be. "I want it to match the console I'm going to make."

As soon as Viola spoke, Arfoire's other eyebrow shot up to join the first one. Well she'd be damned. This kid — who she _really_ should probably stop calling a kid, given the proportions of her body, that one oddity aside — was already thinking that far ahead? Maybe... Maybe she really _was_ a CPU...

"Fine, fine, if the goddess has a plan, I won't argue." Arfoire couldn't help smirking, shaking her head and letting her hands fall to the side. The faintest bit of hope was starting to rise up in her again. Maybe, even if this goddess wouldn't be able to fight with her messed up body... Maybe she could still compete with those idiotic girls in other ways! "So, the console that matches Sunsmudge. What's that called?"

Viola gave Arfoire a thumbs up.

"Moonshine!"

Arfoire smacked her forehead.

She should have seen that coming.

She _really_ should have seen that coming.

"Look, the island already has a name." Changing the subject somewhat, Arfoire held out her hands, exasperation starting to set in. At the rate they were going, Arfoire's own name would get changed to something stupid too, like "The Magic One"! Hah, as if! "So changing the name doesn't work since I already did it for you. Listen to... Ugh, listen to 'mommy,' okay? It's called Begloot."

To Arfoire's surprise, almost instantly, as soon as the word left Arfoire's lips, the girl shook her head furiously at the name that the woman had given the formerly nameless island.

"Mommy, I know you were being very, _very _clever when you renamed it, but, um..." Now what was this about? The girl was starting to look shy all of a sudden — scared, nervous. It was an abrupt change from the doting goddess with the creepy mother complex that Arfoire had been dealing with up until now. She swore, if there was a split personality to deal with on top of everything else... "I-It... It _can't_ sound like bootleg... People... People might _find out_ about what I am..."

Oh. Was that all? Really?

Poor _baaaaaby_.

Note the sarcasm.

The woman rolled her eyes at the _child's_ sudden nervousness now that she understood it. Was this kid going to be sensitive about what she was? Did she not like it? If that was on the table, then she had some bad news — this kid was gonna need to be over that yesterday. Arfoire had no intentions of holding that back, at least when they were alone, so too damn bad if she had a complex about being little more than a fake.

"Get over it. I made you. You were made by me. You are what you are." Arfoire's words were blunt, but, surprising even herself, without the harshness she had intended for them to have. "We're not broadcasting it, but I don't want you whining in denial about it. Accept it and move on, or I'll move on without you. We clear?"

To this. Viola seemed just as surprised as Arfoire had been earlier.

"Huh? But... I would never deny you, mommy. You're the only thing that..." The goddess looked around helplessly, as if looking for something. What? A way to prove her undying love for Arfoire? Unfortunately, Arfoire would be much happier if it _did_ die. Sorry. Eventually seeming to find nothing, the CPU suddenly looked up at Arfoire and smiled cheerfully at her. "Oh, oh, I know, mommy! I wrote a song about how much I love you for making me and being with me...! Would you like to hear it?"

This forced a frown out of Arfoire. The nervousness had been replaced by the girl's previous attitude of obsessive, freakish adoration... That didn't make sense. It didn't make one bit of sense.

And wait a damn minute here, she'd only been born a little over an hour ago, when the _hell_ had she had time to write a song about _anything_, let alone _her_...?!

"No! You'd make me deaf with your crappy voice!" Despite the snarling response from Arfoire, the girl was largely unperturbed by her anger...

"I... I would be the last thing mommy ever hears...?" ... in fact, Viola looked downright _aroused_.

This could be a serious problem.

Arfoire was seriously going to have to watch the things she said around this brat.

She'd heard that parents had it tough — not that she considered herself one to this freak or anything — but she seriously doubted they had to worry about the madness she was quickly realizing she was going to be spending a lot of time putting up with in the future.

"F-Forget I said that! Just tell me why you have a problem with bootlegging. You better be okay with it, 'cause I've got some big plans for you and me, kid." Arfoire made a face when she saw the girl was about to start something over "forget it" again, at which point Viola visibly deflated. It _looked_ like she had been defeated, but by what? "Just tell me already! What's the big deal!?"

The CPU flinched... then closed her eyes, looking as though she had resigned to her fate.

What a drama queen.

"I... Well, I..." Viola sighed, her lips almost forming a strange sort of pout on her face. With her eyes closed, she really did _almost_ look like a normal, cute girl. Too bad Arfoire knew better... She really had to remember to do something those things later. "I knew I couldn't keep it from mommy... Now _you'll_ know too..."

Arfoire rolled her eyes, making a "yes, get on with it" motion with her hand. Here was the part where the girl told her story about how she had something against making bootlegs or some other nonsense like that, right? She would knock it out of the girl and they'd move on with their lives. It would be simple enough. At this point, nothing this girl threw at her would surprise Arfoire. Been there, done that. That gag was old now, moving on, right?

So, of course, _much_ to Arfoire's surprise, the girl began to blush — which was just weird looking considering the greenish tint of her pale skin — and began pushing her two index fingers together, a smile _far_ too large for the situation quickly starting to form on her face... Arfoire recognized the kind of smile all too well. It was a guilty smile. The smile of someone who was ashamed of something and _reveled in it_.

"I... I have a..." Viola stopped pressing her fingers together, instead choosing to clutch her cheeks and... _squeal_? What the hell?!

"Spit it out already!" Arfoire was losing her patience now, and she was getting a really bad feeling on top of that to boot.

"Oh, this is so embarrassing, mommy... It can't be called _boot-leg_ because..." Despite her words, considering the way the girl was holding her cheeks, which were burning bright with an abnormally colored blush, Arfoire had the feeling it either wasn't that embarrassing or she had been right to suspect this reject CPU was probably going to reveal she was a masochist. Her attitude strangely reminded of the woman how the girl had been acting earlier, when she had been playing with those "toys" that were Arfoire's shoes, but turned up to eleven. She was waving back and forth on the balls of her feet, like she was a shy little schoolgirl about to tell her classmates which... boy... she... no. _No. NO NO NO NO NO NO NO **NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NONONONONONONONO**-_ "I... I have this... Mommy, d-do you know what a _fetish_ is...?"

For the second time since her daughter's birth, Arfoire fell to her knees and wailed.


End file.
